Let’s have an honest conversation, about something I’ve noticed recurring within the spiritual communities around shaming and healing being binary and a destination.

A statement I hear and see on social media is “once your healed…you will experience…”

What does that mean?

And how can one claim that they will be able to experience these things that may not be how the healing is expressed for them?

It’s interesting, because so many folks, (myself included) participate in this as well, and this is what I’m untangling myself from so bear with me as I speak to it, and I unpack it out loud.

Recently I saw a post from a sexual healing coach (healing from trauma), her post triggered my whole being as she claimed that once you are healed you will enjoy wild kinky sex. As if this is the ultimate goal? What if this is not my desire? What if healing trauma was not a destination but a spiral you continuously experience the layers as they fall away one by one over your lifetime? Speaking in a framework that we all should have the same goals or that healing looks a certain way cultivates and feeds the beast of shame. When engaged in these conversations or seeing posts like this we continue to gaslight ourselves, shame ourselves and even feel alone in our suffering.

I see this example played out in many posts and videos online. This mindset is profoundly harmful and is what has caused me so much more trauma over the years within the spiritual communities. This is the very harm that made me isolate myself from people who continued to uphold these beliefs. This is the harm that I recognize I too also maintained within my practice and in my work; which is why I took a few years off about a decade ago to regroup, to unwind from the colonial yt supremacy ideologies that new age spirituality continues to uphold. Decolonizing my practice, mind and body is a lifelong path in which I continue to offer myself gentleness, compassion and time to unwind. My practice is ever evolving as I unlearn and relearn, utilizing my critical lens with compassion and curiosity.

It’s time we have a good honest critical look at our belief systems through the lens of the colonial ideologies we have been conditioned within. Understanding this lens can support us as we notice these systems exist in spaces we may not expect. The danger of not doing this work is continued harm and oppression with the very folks who are unpacking their trauma and diving deeply into releasing beliefs and taking on new ones. If the new belief systems are also entrenched in ideologies of oppression then the trauma continues within our ‘spiritual’ belief systems that are meant to heal. My suggestion would be to follow the work of some incredible humans such as Rachel Rickets and Resmaa to name a few. Engage with this work with your entire being, stay curious and know that this work is incredibly uncomfortable.

The language we use is an essential aspect, our words like magic spells continue to shape our beliefs, and expences and can heal or cause harm. What I’ve noticed within myself is that my language is dated, I say things I’ve said and heard for years as a way to express something, yet when someone calls me into these words I discover that this is not what I meant at all or didn’t truly see/feel the meaning. I mention this within this context as an invitation to go deeper and invite awareness into the spells you cast each moment as you open your mouth and express yourself.

Let’s dive into a quick Vulnerable share…

For years I felt like an imposter. That I was not a good enough reader, reiki practitioner or yoga teacher because I did not fit the mold that everyone else was portraying. Until I realized that no one is perfectly healed and many are hiding behind their practice as a way to escape the pain. I upheld the belief of healing being a destination in many ways yet if you asked me or read my posts you would see that I was saying the opposite.

As I untangle myself out of this new age web of there being a destination for healing, there are continued conversations within that receive nurturance; cultivating awareness of how this belief system expresses. I know from my own lived experience for many, many, many years, that I carried a lot of shame, for many reasons. I also didn’t recognize that I was continuing to participate in my codependent tendencies of just continuing to give my power over. It’s like, oh, well, this healer will have the answers. If I go to this healer, I’ll have the aha moment that will bring me to my healing destination, and then all will be good with life. And then life will be perfect. And I’ll get everything I want. And I’ll manifest all my truest desires. Cue in the laughter does that sound familiar? Does? Have you experienced this as well? And yeah, I’m really curious, invite yourself to go in.

And please reach out and share if that feels aligned for you. Thank you, I really appreciate all of you folks in the community who do send me notes in my DMs or on my email, and it’s so powerful. I learn so much. There’s so much wisdom that you all have, and it is so touching when I engage in that wisdom.

This mindset, (once you are healed) is something that so many of us have participated in and so many of us still participate in, maybe subtler ways, or there are threads that are woven as we’re continuing to unpack and untangle and decolonize, it’s like a basket, and piece by piece we are unweaving and reweaving.

I’ll complete this transmission with a few words from the heart…

Close your eyes, place a hand on your heart and let your body speak and guide you to the spaces that need to come into the light.

Thank you

With love,

Natalie Parsons